Sanctuary

sanctuary s

The day is grey
along the way
forever dying

I don’t know why
but somehow I
just feel like crying

The day is leaving
and it’s deceiving me

No one is near
to stop the fear
within me growing

That moments past
are all my last
without me knowing

The day’s been taken
and it’s forsaking me.

I wrote that song as a teenager caught in the aloneness and isolation of my adolescent angst. Self-indulgent?  Yes.  But that grey world was often very real to me.  It seems strange that a young life so full of possibility would get caught in such a spiraling web of hopelessness.

Of course I’ve never stopped having my moments of self-doubt and gloom. I spent much of 2017 in an intense and draining state of anger at the world, for instance.  But over the years I’ve learned to keep moving, always looking for an opening that leads out of that self-perpetuating labyrinth, one that can pull me into a place where I can reconnect with the world.  Eventually, my vision clears; the color returns.

At the end of this
circular tunnel, a door–
the light welcomes me.

Sue Vincent’s photo prompt this week, above, reminded me immediately of that song I wrote at 16 or 17 (amazing that I still know all the words, right?).

sanctuary close up s

And that I may have actually learned a thing or two between then and now.

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About memadtwo

For more madness, follow me on Instagram @h_zimel

40 responses to “Sanctuary”

  1. As much cake as you want says :

    A poignant song – speaks to some universal stuff, regardless of age. Beautifully written.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. deuxiemepeau says :

    I agree, regardless if it is self indulgent or merely a cry to be heard, these moments are universal to us all, whatever the age. That gold light in the collage is powerful.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Jodi says :

    so glad you have worked your way through these times. and you are surely helping others with your art and words.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Sharon Mann says :

    Very moving Kerfe…I remember the angst of teenage years. Thank goodness you had already started writing. ( I talked to my dog, Pokie) I love your collage art and the golden door of hope.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Poet Rummager says :

    I absolutely love your collage. Those puzzle pieces as a teenager I remember so well — never fitting and so out of place. Yes, we do grow up and then those pieces find their home. I can definitely relate to your grey poem and rejoiced at your sunny words at the end. This post was beautifully composed, K.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. rivrvlogr says :

    Yes, those years when we are seeking answers, not realizing we always will be seeking answers.
    The gold adds real depth to the collage.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. Sue Vincent says :

    Odd how the earliest work sticks with us… or perhaps not, when it always rises from the depths we are just discovering at the time.
    I love the image with the golden goal, Kerfe.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Claudia McGill says :

    You use the word labyrinth; I remember what the explanation at the labyrinth near me says (the one at Chestnut Hill College) – the way in is the way out. I think you have been finding your way in and out (wherever in is and out is, I guess I also need to say!) in your art and writing and it’s been there all your life. You are a good example to me.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. memadtwo says :

    I really love that song. And the collage is uplifting. Yes, we must muddle on!

    Like

  10. merrildsmith says :

    The feelings during those teenage years! Everything can be so overwhelming. I suppose we learn to adjust. I agree with comments above about the golden light–it is so warm and full of life.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Lynz Real Cooking says :

    Those feelings really come through and are something most of us have felt xx

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Suzanne says :

    This is a very good post. Like you I experienced depression as a teenager but have learnt to handle it over the years. Sometimes I think times of quiet inner reflection are a necessary part of being human and that we are too quick to label any down moments as pathological. (which is not too say that really deep depression can be a major problem – I’ve been there too and was very grateful for the medication which bought me out of that state.)

    Liked by 1 person

    • memadtwo says :

      Thanks Suzanne. I do think any life has downs as well as ups, but I’ve known a number of people who needed medical help to regain equilibrium. But there are definitely times that we need to regroup, when we’re not in need of labeling, but time and some room to just be.

      Like

  13. Betty Hayes Albright says :

    Your teen song is truly universal, with its sweet vulnerability. (Sounds like most of my poetry from back then. 🙂 ) There are times when it all comes back, no matter our age. Thank you for posting it (and your accompanying collage). There’s something comforting in knowing we all go through these times.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Frank J. Tassone says :

    Reblogged this on Frank J. Tassone and commented:
    #Haiku Happenings #14: Method Two Madness’ latest #haibun for Sue Vincent’s latest #writephoto!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Jane Dougherty says :

    At sixteen and seventeen everything is self-indulgent because we don’t have any other experiences but self. I often think that kids of that age are more generous and prepared to defend causes than older people are, despite their self-obsession.

    Liked by 1 person

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