Contradiction (revised)

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We play at fairness: love and war,
we draw a rainbow in the sky,
this is our answer, nothing more–
we turn away when people die

We draw a rainbow in the sky
and color in the shapes of hearts
then turn away when people die–
we sing the sun but hold the dark

We color in the shapes of hearts
as outstretched hands form iron fists–
we sing the sun but hold the dark
in knots that we cannot untwist

Our outstretched hands form iron fists
containing all that we deny–
these knots that we cannot untwist
hold replicas that do not lie

Our words repeat what we deny–
this is our answer, nothing more–
where are the ones that do not lie?
we play at fairness:  love and war

The very first pantoum I wrote was for one of Jane Dougherty’s challenges in March 2016.  It was inspired by my co-blogger Nina’s drawing, above.  Since dVerse is featuring the pantoum form for the month of March, I thought I would begin with a revision of that first one.  You can see the original here.

contrdictions 2bs

I also did a collage to illustrate it.

In 2016 I did another pantoum for one of Jane’s challenges.  That one could use revision as well, and I hope to give it a try.

Last year I was stuck in circles, and posted 9 pantoums.  I’ll link to some of them as the month goes on.  So I’m looking forward to a March full of new attempts–thanks Gina!

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About memadtwo

For more madness, follow me on Instagram @h_zimel

43 responses to “Contradiction (revised)”

  1. robtkistner says :

    Excellent pantoum Kerfe, sadly true in too many ways. LOVE the collage, and it goes great with the written piece!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Jane Dougherty says :

    You have the rhythm perfectly. The hearts and rainbows stuff I totally agree with. We’re great at the spouting of tears and painting rainbow bridges, but real death, real suffering, when we get a chance to do something to prevent it, we prefer not to know.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. D. Wallace Peach says :

    Amazing poem and flawlessly executed. An evocative message that the form turns into a drumbeat. Powerful.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. merrildsmith says :

    I’m in awe–this is so good–and sad about what it says about us. This line stood out to me: “we sing the sun but hold the dark,” but really the whole thing. The collage is perfect.
    The original drawing by Nina made me think of Stevie Wonder’s song–that I love–and I saw that I mentioned that in your first version. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • memadtwo says :

      Thanks Merril. I was surprised when I looked back and saw the original was my first pantoum. I enjoyed the revision–little things can make such a difference. I’m sure you know that from the editing you do!
      And yes, so sad that we seem to be moving backwards in so many ways.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Gina says :

    your opening line gets the reader thinking and the final line repeated with a new insight.writing a pantoum is difficult with getting rhymes and lines aligned and usually the train of thought gets muddled and confused in the circles. but i just saw clarity here and a strong message, you used the repetition so very well to emphasis the point not just connect the lines, that was brilliant and well planned. in circles we get back to the root of the problem. an excellent pantoum and message all in one!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. davidguerrieriwrites says :

    Whoa, great work. Both a are powerful in their own ways and go together so well. Very much inspiring to stretch ones limits!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. rivrvlogr says :

    I see both as futility at the inability to affect the actions of the whole. The original as a form of melancholy and the revision as resignation.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. memadtwo says :

    Thank you, K, I’m honored!

    Like

  9. V.J. Knutson says :

    I really like how this turned out. The more I read these poems, the more I’m liking the form.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Sherry Blue sky says :

    We sing the sun but hold the dark. Your poem is excellently written, and sadly contains a lot of truth.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Jodi says :

    Brilliant

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Sharon Mann says :

    Brilliant…and I’m in agreement with all of the comments above.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Frank Hubeny says :

    Nice line about those knots: “in knots that we cannot untwist”

    Liked by 1 person

  14. sarahsouthwest says :

    For me, that is a perfect pantoum – it flows so beautifully, it all makes perfect sense, and on top of that it has some great imagery, and a great message. I am very impressed.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. purplepeninportland says :

    Excellent work. Love the imagery and contrariness of it.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. msjadeli says :

    it is tight and flawless and holds deep truths. love the way you pulled the reader on

    Liked by 1 person

  17. kim881 says :

    I enjoyed your revised Pantoum, Kerfe, with its philosophical rainbows and hearts to colour in. I especially like the subtle shift to ‘we sing the sun but hold the dark’, the ‘knots that we cannot untwist’ and the deep question in the final stanza.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Rosemary Nissen-Wade says :

    The first version was great, but the new one is enormously powerful.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Melba Christie at Poemattic says :

    Enjoying your latest work. Hope all is well. Miss you.

    Like

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